normally, i don't pinpoint any one person on my site, but this person is one of the very few who will be mentioned and honored by name.
i can look back at the precise moment when it became this way. it was lunch time on a clear july day. we were eating kfc with a couple of our friends. i pulled out a pen, and on a napkin, i had scribbled the word "airplane". she looked at me with shocking disgust, and let out a yell. i smiled an understanding smile. i knew what she was thinking, and she knew what i was thinking. from there, our relationship went from close to inseparable, in a unique way that only we understand. coincidentally, we ended up in the same problem, and fate conjoined our roads. we've been each other's number one help ever since.
felicia steinle will be a junior at canyon high school. she is an asian male trapped in a german girl's body. i could also tell you that her eyes are bluish-greenish... with a bit of grey in the middle, that her favorite color is green, and that she loves the snow-caps, hard shell taffy, the french taffy (strawberry-flavored), and the dinosaur gummies from the candy store on the strip of seal beach blvd. but i am not here to tell you about her preferences; i am here to tell you who she is to me.
she is a girl of extreme honesty. sometimes way too brutally honest, but that's why i enjoy her company. it's not everyday you meet someone who will tell it how it is and mean every word. i don't have to worry about her lying to me, because 1) she rarely does, if she ever does to begin with, and 2) she would fail miserably if she attempted to because, like i said, she is honest. i've appreciated her opinions, each and every single one of them. her intentions are as she sets them, and it is conspicuous to anyone's eye what she wants out of a situation. if she wants to reconciliate, her intentions are of understanding goodness, and nothing more. if she wants to decipher someone's cruel heart, she is set to go, along with the intention of tearing that person into pieces so that she can find what she's looking for. and most times, she succeeds in her missions.
there's something about her that is completely different from everyone else. no one else has her keen sense of knowing given situations. without knowing anything, she knows everything. the beauty of that is unbelievable. speak of beauty, she has a natural charm about her. this is not to sound homosexual, but she is beautiful in her own way. charismatic and humorous, i've come to know so much about her.
our conversations are quite interesting. no one else ever knows exactly what is on our minds-- we both tend to live complicated lives. but in finding ourselves in the other, we've found within each other the answer to our own problems. we've literally paralelled each oher's lives since that napkin incident, and believe it or not, we still do. everything we say to each other is meaningful. spiteful, yes. but significant nonetheless. verbal attacks are just one of our quirks that brought us so close together. we spit insult after insult at each other; some people really think that we're serious. and we are. but i'm also serious when i say that i admire her and that i'm extremely lucky to have her in my life. the best part of this whole friendship? we don't have to reassure each other about how we're doing, what we're feeling, and/or if our relationship is steady. the answer is nonexistent in the world of words. besides, it's a waste of our breaths. i comprehend her thoughts the moment i look at her in the eye, and she does the same. when silence speaks louder than words, that's when you know a friendship is truly blooming.
there are days when all i have to do is hear her say my name and everything is okay. there was a point in my high school days when we built ourselves a conflict. it was a towering wall that we built between each other to avoid contact. i know that if i had looked into her eyes then, i would have started crying because i would instantly know what she was thinking. i didn't want to do that-- because then, i'd want to start talking to her about all these things that has happened that day which reminded me of her. and i wouldn't be able to because of this stupid wall built by the hands of Ignorance, which was to be broken down only by the heart of Understanding and the generosity of second Chances. so i let it be... but soon our friendship prevailed and the wall was not broken down but rather vanished. it was as if nothing had happened at all. through a gruesome hardship, we became even closer. and that god awful time that i couldn't talk to her-- seemed like a lifetime. then one day, after drumline practice, she yelled across the school campus, "bye mai!!" and i felt this surge of warmth seep through me like fire in the wintertime. i knew that we'd be friends for an extremely long time after that, if not for eternity. there was something in me that whispered, "don't let this one go." i had no other plan but to oblige.
there was this other time, when she did something that crumbled what i had already damaged. it hurt me a bit, because it was something really important to me. it wasn't an object, but rather a bond, and i couldn't believe it was her that had done the deed. we ate dinner that night with a friend of ours, and she said something that i could not believe. she always gets passenger seat in my car; it is a given. and on the way home, she says, "you can have shotgun... i don't deserve it." that comment still rings in my ears (i bet she didn't know it herself), and i think to myself, "no one else deserves more good than you do, felicia." your intentions for me have never been bad, and i know that because you are my best friend.
this year, she spent a few months at a beach house in seal beach. i spent multiple days and nights there, by invitation. we would talk about things that others would consider useless and pointless. but to us, it was an intimate conversation about constellations, why her tv screen never displayed a clear image, how her cat only showed affection to one other person, and why lord byron is one of her favorite poets of all time. to me, they were conversations that i could only have with her, conversations that only she would understand, conversations that i will remember all my life. thanks to those hours, i now know why she is how she is. no one else shared those minutes with her. i'm glad to have sepnt time wisely.
her humor is pure and frank sarcasm. i am humored by her remarks, and she is humored by mine. we laugh at things that others will not find funny, but that is simply because we are the only ones who understand. most people call those "inside jokes", but i refer to them as "our jokes" because no one has any clue as to why we laugh when we insult each other, or why we squirm when we see the color green, or why we have sudden yelps when we hear something about numbers 3, 7, and 21. yes-- only we would understand. most people are smart. they've stopped trying to decipher us, the kind of friendship we've built thus far. for the few who still remain intrigued and inquisitive: i suggest you stop now. it will get you nowhere. and once you get somewhere, we'll change it on you. it's a different language only we speak.
i can tell you so much more about this girl. so much more than space provides, so much more than time gives me. but for the sake of both, i'm going to conclude this post with something like this:
the fact that we share the same favorite color? coincidence. the fact that we like the same music? coincidence. but the fact that her mind is somehow connected to mine, that she gracefully crossed my road of life, that we now parallel each other's lives... that, my friends, is NOT coincidence.
i can tell you now, i'm extremely lucky to have met this girl (or guy, as we both like to be). she has shown me that any road taken in life is worth the bumps and valleys, so long as we're not alone. thank you for accompanying me throughout everything. i hope that i've heled you through your hardships somehow, and trust me: i will never leave your side. i promise. (remember: promises are better kept if not to yourself.) there's plenty more of where this came from, and i know there will be future posts where you will be the topic of my entry... you deserve my every compliment, and although many times i don't speak them, i show them. but when actions fall short-- through my writing, truth will prevail.
THANK YOU.
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~oh, and another thing. thank you joe. you have successfully put an eternal smile upon my face. i smile as i type this, and i know i will remain to throughout years and years to come. your fire warms me and i let it engulf me. thank you.
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